"PES helped me to be fully present to listen with compassion."

Vernita Ediger

In a vague, nagging way I had noticed a growing distance between my grandmother and myself. I hadn't wanted to think about my waning desire to spend time with her. After my grandfather died, she had fallen and broken her hip. She never fully recovered and eventually we moved her to an assisted living facility. She was crotchety, demanding and juvenile in her interactions with everyone. A sarcastic, hand-on-hip "whatever" was her favorite refrain. It just wasn't like her.

After PES, I wasn't willing to ignore this any longer. I took the dip. I told my grandmother what I was seeing in her behavior, how I felt about it, and I asked her what was going on. She blinked and then started to cry. She poured out her anger at the loss of her health and home, and fear of getting old and having no purpose to life. It broke my heart wide open to a new stance of compassion and understanding for my grandma. Our conversation led her to start writing a book about the care of roses, her life-long passion.

My grandmother can still be crotchety, but between her and me things are golden. PES helped me to be fully present to listen with compassion. Now I enjoy spending time with her; we talk several times a week. I know that when my grandmother does come to the end of her time, I will have no regrets for I really know and love her: a beautiful, thorny rose.

Vernita Ediger